no idea

As a kid, I have always heard people giving me pieces of advice, tell me ultimate truths of life. And I accepted these words of wisdom, tried very hard to keep them in mind. And even though I tried to rationally grasp the meaning of those words, I knew that there must be a deeper essence within them, one I would only be able to understand through my own experience.

And yet, there was one exception. We were in our final year of high school, studying for the final exams and for the entrance exams at the uni. Everyone was extremely tired and stressed out. I can't remeber the narrow context of my teacher's confession. I remeber she was talking to one student while everyone else was listening and then she said to the whole class:

"If you are terrified by the possibility of failing this exam, you have no idea of the proportions of the hardships of life."

She took her time finishing the sentence, stessing the "you have no idea" part. Her tone was crushingly honest and she was smiling while she said it, the type of smile that says: "And I should know." Her statement robbed us completely and instantly, with only one sentence, of both our fear and the only standard we had ever had for hardship. A heavy burden was lifted but a heavier one had been dropped. This was the only time the meaning of another person's words had a major impact on me, whithout me having any experiential basis for them.

Thanks, Ms. R. for teaching me perspective.

another world

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." - C.S. Lewis

be a fool

Even though I am not a huge fan of "The Ark", I have to admit that their song "It Takes a Fool to Remain Sane" is one of my favourite Swedish songs. I adore the lyrics! It's probably a classic among sensitive high-schoolers, people belonging to different subcultures or, like me, dealing with post-adolescent angst. It takes a fool to remain true to oneself. The alternative: Be smart and go with the flow. It should be more convenient. But is this really what you want?

Why do we always try to do the "right" thing without questioning what the right thing actually is? Who decided what is right and wrong? Why should I be dictated by a crowd of cowards, who crashed under the weight of their own dreams, what to dream of? What to strive for, What I should act like? This song tells us not to fear what others might think of us and simply be ourselves: talk loud, dance lousy, laugh ugly, not smoke, smoke, listen to silly pop bands, „take it to the stage“ etc. It does take a lot of courage to be different. But you will love yourself for it (related post).

So you think this post was corny?

"Do, do, do, what you wanna do

Don't think twice, do, what you have to do

Do, do, do, do, let your heart decide what you have to do,

That's all there is to find."

imaginary lives

coin locker babies

I came across Ryu Murakami's book "Coin Locker Babies" while I was searching for the next Haruki Murakami novel to read. The storyline itself (somewhat a cyper-punk "Bildungsroman" ) appealed to me, as I am very interested in surreal plots, coming of age stories, (Japanese) youth culture and pop art.

Ryu Murakami is one of Japan's contemporary writers, who, I believe, employs the "ero guro" and "angura" styles (two similar influences in Japanese art). These styles find their roots somewhere in the 60s and represent an original counter-culture movement, aiming to challenge the authenticity of "traditional" genres as well as the westernization that had swept across Japan since the industrial age. Murakamis tales of horror, sexual corruption, decadence and exotic violence merge with grotesque themes and features which leave the reader wondering whether or not to be offended (Caution: some scenes are quite explicit, though!). Sometimes seen as a chronicler of Japan's disaffected young Murakami has been recommended to readers with a taste for the bizarre.

Here is a review that describes this book quite well: The coin locker babies of the title are two abandoned infants rescued from train station lockers, and the novel follows their adventures through boyhood into manhood. They wander through the sort of hellish, surreal landscape usually associated with dismal of visions of the future, but in this book the hell is contemporary Japan. The journeys of the two are relentlessly dark and disturbing: matricide, violent sex, mutilation, vengeance, insanity, perversion, and mass destruction are all explored, usually graphically and with relish. The work of Murakami - who is also a filmmaker - begs comparison with film. Here you can find some other very good reviews!

I agree, that the book was written in a very fast-paced and graphical way, in the sense, that the reader might even have the impression of watching a movie. But I think, this is one of its major appeals (at least to me). I also didn't find it as violent and distressing as his first book ("Almost Transparent Blue"), and I think that in this case the dark features manage to cross the fine line from disturbing to intriguing. Moreover, the book's worth has to be seen in the context of Japanese history and culture. So, if you are acquainted with Japanese art or if you like bizarre or futuristic storylines and do not fear unconventionality, then this book might be the right thing for you.

Note: The movie is in preparation, possibly starring Val Kilmer, Asia Argento and Tadanobu Asano. But I fear, a movie might end up ruining the book's charm for everyone who hasn't read it yet...And they should at least have had the chance to get to know it, before watching Sean Lennon's ostensibly pretentious adaptation. And if there needs to be a movie, I would have loved to see Takashi Miike's project succeed (since he also adapted Murakami's "Audition").

fallen princesses

Sleeping Beauty

There is no question that storytelling has an immense (traditional) value for each culture and that fairy-tales are a wonderful means of educating. They can be extremely subtle and tackle many important issues in a way that can be accessible to children, but that can also be understood on different, more complex levels by adults.

But story-telling is not stories being told. And fairy tales are not Disney World. Because ever since we were kids most of us have been immersed in a meaningless, consumer-driven world. We were being fed on prescribed dreams. And then the time comes when we have to let go, to stop dreaming, to wake up and be rational. Why, in the first place? It's easy to label today's youth as "disillusioned", but aren't we all part of this outcome?

Dina Goldstein manages to take those illusory fantasies of the childhood, and expose them by placing the flawless image of Disney princesses in the middle of (sobering and many times tough) reality.

From my point of view, fairy tales can be extremely inspiring. I don't think Dina Goldstein criticizes the content or concept of fairy-tales (in fact, many original Grimm and Andersen stories - e.g. "The Little Mermaid" - had quite dark themes) but rather the wrapping.

Watch a different kind of princess here: Princess Mononoke (Studio Ghibli)

Snow White

Rapunzel

pictures via likecool

beirut: the penalty

Song: The Penalty

Artist: Beirut

Album: The Flying Club Cup

website

Get the chords for the ukulele here

Lyrics

Like an ancient day and I'm on trial

Let them seize the way, this once was an island

And I could not stay for I believed them

Left for the lights always in season

Impassable night in a crowd of homesick

Fully grown children, you'll leave the lights

Your family may not wait, Sir, keep on believing

Our parents rue the day, they find us kneeling

Let them think what they may, for they've good reason

Left for the lights always in season

My own interpretation:

There are many possible ways of understanding this song. I believe it is about returning home as a matured person ("Fully grown children, you'll leave the lights"), and feeling regret for the foolish dreams of the past, that drove one away, in search for "the lights away in season". It is the story of a man who finds a place long lost, "an island" that he has left in his teenage years for the sake of finding his own place in the world. And now finally he returns, without having found what he went looking for. The "lights" were just illusory bubbles and he was confronted with loneliness and "a crowd of homesick", hence suggesting that this might be everybody's story. Once returned home however, he notices that the family has moved on and even if he would like to belong to them once more, it is no longer possible. Everybody has changed in the meantime ("Your family may not wait, Sir") as things of the past belong to the past and should not be dwelled upon any longer, as it is impossible to change them. However the bitterness of the song is not conveyed by the story itself, but rather by the lucidity of the man's thoughts, who realizes that, even though he feels that he no longer belongs there, and even though the family suffers now, seeing him "kneeling", wanting to return, he knows that it was a story which was meant to happen. The last two lines seem to change the tone of the melody from bitter to sweet entirely, as if he was saying: I am sad that I left one place to find a distant one in search of a place where to belong to. Now I don't belong anywhere, but I am thankful that I do not have to regret, not having at least tried. "Let them think what they may, for they've good reason" suggests that he understands the point of view of the family but he does in fact not regret having "Left for the lights always in season", because it was an important process in him becoming the man he is today. For dreams may be silly and they may be shared by all, but, boy! did they feel exclusive and real in the past!

"The story of the lone man and of the immense sky which hangs above him (...) Because at the end it’s always time to leave."

Beirut is an American Band, which began as the solo musical project of 23-year old Zach Condon and has evolved into a band led by Condon. Their music combines balkan sounds with elements of folk and french chansons, as well as western pop music. The results are one of a kind, truly brilliant melodies, which touch the heart. Please check out "Nantes" and "Elephant Gun" (great video!), as well as "No Dice" (which is more electronic, from the album "March of the Zapotec & Realpeople - Holland").

I am whatever you allow me to be

"Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!" (Alice)

Yes, Alice, you are right, it is a hell of a puzzle!

Being concerned with questions of identity and alienation, I decided to scribble something about my view on human development and how we get lost along the way. I think this is one of the saddest stories of human nature: we forget about genuineness once maturity is reached. Because we become members of our Society. OUR Society.

Society and Genuineness

People seem to have a strong need to associate and adapt, which is in itself not a bad thing...if it were not for the thing we call Society. Society and social life are inertwined, such that Society is instantiated in our relationships and our relationships and hence (emotional, intellectual and moral) development always takes place in the context of Society. And this gives it an independent power: that of self-preservation.

The other day I had this idea: When I think of the word "natural", I think of something "normal". For example when I say that someone was acting natural in a certain situation, I actually mean he or she acted normal. Studying the etymology of the word "natural", one would soon realize that it relates to something genuine and original. Being "normal", however, translates to "following norms", going with the stream. And there goes genuineness...Interesting, isn't it? But norms are prescribed by Society. And everyone who is different has to be corrected by all means for the sake of keeping the system "alive". The individual will never win against clockwork...

Society and Labelling

The only problem with the system is that some people don't fit in. If you are different, you are not normal, you are: childish, perverted, insane, irresponsible, obese, an artist, delinquent, gay, a spinster, immigrant, a geek, mentally ill, punk, you name it. Society has always excelled at labelling. Why? Because it has always been ok to play with dolls if you are a girl, to be rebellious if you are a teen, to believe in ghosts if you are child, to live with your parents if you're under 20, to watch telenovelas if you are a housewife, etc. So you see, nearly all things are acceptable...but only in some contexts. So what do we do with people who don't fit in? We invent categories to make them fit in: it's ok to hear voices if you are psychotic, it's ok to love someone of the same sex, if you are gay etc. Giving a name to something that frightens us, that we don't understand, makes us feel secure. Because by naming it, we own it.

Don't get me wrong. Of course, there must be something to keep the world in order, something that sets boundaries. Otherwise humanity would turn into a new version of Sodom and Gomorrah. But who or what is to judge what is right and wrong? Call me romantic, but that would be just another label, wouldn't it?

Society and Identity

Going back to Alice's existential question "Who in the world am I?", I would have to answer "I don't know." I am part of society. I have many faces ("masks" has such a negative connotation, faces are real, masks are fake) and I suppose they are all part of the "me" that is perceived (the me at work, where I have to be serious; the me with my friends at home, where I can be silly; the me with my friends in Germany, where I have to be reliable; the me with my family, where I can be irrational; the me when having to protect something, when I become aggressive and fierce; the me when being criticised, when my self-confidence shrinks to a level of non-existence; the me when I have to advertise, when I am able to sell water to a fish). I guess that there is no such thing as the "real me". It is just my existing faces that I CAN show in different contexts but WILL show only in appropriate contexts. I am whatever the environment allows me to be. Whatever makes it easy to label. Whatever makes it easy to fit in. I will be a label. And interestingly enough, I will be different labels for different environments.

It's important to be aware of this game and accept it without struggle, play it, but chose the right environment in which to learn and grow from early on, so that you don't have to suffer afterwards.

"Well, the moral of the story,/ The moral of this song,/ Is simply that one should never be/ Where one does not belong."
(Bob Dylan: "The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest")