I am whatever you allow me to be

"Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!" (Alice)

Yes, Alice, you are right, it is a hell of a puzzle!

Being concerned with questions of identity and alienation, I decided to scribble something about my view on human development and how we get lost along the way. I think this is one of the saddest stories of human nature: we forget about genuineness once maturity is reached. Because we become members of our Society. OUR Society.

Society and Genuineness

People seem to have a strong need to associate and adapt, which is in itself not a bad thing...if it were not for the thing we call Society. Society and social life are inertwined, such that Society is instantiated in our relationships and our relationships and hence (emotional, intellectual and moral) development always takes place in the context of Society. And this gives it an independent power: that of self-preservation.

The other day I had this idea: When I think of the word "natural", I think of something "normal". For example when I say that someone was acting natural in a certain situation, I actually mean he or she acted normal. Studying the etymology of the word "natural", one would soon realize that it relates to something genuine and original. Being "normal", however, translates to "following norms", going with the stream. And there goes genuineness...Interesting, isn't it? But norms are prescribed by Society. And everyone who is different has to be corrected by all means for the sake of keeping the system "alive". The individual will never win against clockwork...

Society and Labelling

The only problem with the system is that some people don't fit in. If you are different, you are not normal, you are: childish, perverted, insane, irresponsible, obese, an artist, delinquent, gay, a spinster, immigrant, a geek, mentally ill, punk, you name it. Society has always excelled at labelling. Why? Because it has always been ok to play with dolls if you are a girl, to be rebellious if you are a teen, to believe in ghosts if you are child, to live with your parents if you're under 20, to watch telenovelas if you are a housewife, etc. So you see, nearly all things are acceptable...but only in some contexts. So what do we do with people who don't fit in? We invent categories to make them fit in: it's ok to hear voices if you are psychotic, it's ok to love someone of the same sex, if you are gay etc. Giving a name to something that frightens us, that we don't understand, makes us feel secure. Because by naming it, we own it.

Don't get me wrong. Of course, there must be something to keep the world in order, something that sets boundaries. Otherwise humanity would turn into a new version of Sodom and Gomorrah. But who or what is to judge what is right and wrong? Call me romantic, but that would be just another label, wouldn't it?

Society and Identity

Going back to Alice's existential question "Who in the world am I?", I would have to answer "I don't know." I am part of society. I have many faces ("masks" has such a negative connotation, faces are real, masks are fake) and I suppose they are all part of the "me" that is perceived (the me at work, where I have to be serious; the me with my friends at home, where I can be silly; the me with my friends in Germany, where I have to be reliable; the me with my family, where I can be irrational; the me when having to protect something, when I become aggressive and fierce; the me when being criticised, when my self-confidence shrinks to a level of non-existence; the me when I have to advertise, when I am able to sell water to a fish). I guess that there is no such thing as the "real me". It is just my existing faces that I CAN show in different contexts but WILL show only in appropriate contexts. I am whatever the environment allows me to be. Whatever makes it easy to label. Whatever makes it easy to fit in. I will be a label. And interestingly enough, I will be different labels for different environments.

It's important to be aware of this game and accept it without struggle, play it, but chose the right environment in which to learn and grow from early on, so that you don't have to suffer afterwards.

"Well, the moral of the story,/ The moral of this song,/ Is simply that one should never be/ Where one does not belong."
(Bob Dylan: "The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest")